He knows what he’s done. But he’s in too deep to back out now.
me: *spots nick jonas* *walks up to him* ah! i’m such a fan! i’ve loved you ever since the jonas brothers’ debut album! can you sign my jobros lunch box?
nick: haha thanks so much babe and of course anything for you ;) *signs it*
me: thank you so much! one more thing before i go
nick: haha what’s up?
me: release the nut
guy: psstt! look at me while you suck. i wanna see those eyes
girl: *looks up*
I’m not even gonna open it
"what would you do if your boyfriend cheated on you?"
i cant believe this. i cant fucking believe this. i meant to send this to my boyfriend but instead i sent it to my boss right after i told her i was quitting all i wanted to do was make an inappropriate cookie joke but no i got mixed up texting two people at once and literally sent a picture of a chocolate chip cookie captioned “ooh she thique” to the fifty year old suburban mother of two of whom i have nothing but a strictly professional relationship with. after knowing me for almost a year and a half as a hard working and respectable employee this is the last thing i will ever say to her i can never go back to that shop again all because of this god damn cookie blunder What have i Done
Ah yes white boys
girl: fuck me daddy
me: don’t call me daddy…call me dad
girl: ok…dad…are you gonna make me cum today?
me: ask your mother